Day

I've been feeling a little.....off.  Hush, now, I hear you giggling. Yes, I've always been a little "off" but this is different. This is more of an off-center, a lack of groundedness, a stress in my shoulders and a feeling that I need to stop, to breathe, to close my eyes and listen in some quiet place.

I'm not sure if it's the job change, the uneasiness of learning my place in this new world, the unfamiliarity of not just knowing what to do or who to engage, the loss of confidence that brings.  And it's winter, so there's that, and while it's been fairly mild, it certainly hasn't been mild enough for extended periods on the porch stalking birds at feeders with the camera. Not that there was none of that, just not very much.

The recent work travel contributed, I'm sure of it - the frenetic pace of on the road for 6 days, 1200 miles by car with people I know, but not well, then home, then off again for another 700 miles.

There's also the chaos of a renovation project going on around me - this time, the master bath, which means there is no serenity in my bedroom as the construction (more "destruction" at this point, if I'm honest) overflows into that quiet space. The renovation also overflows into the kitchen, where the ceiling is removed to get at the plumbing between the first and second floors. Counters are cleared each weekend before work starts, ABS pipe crumbs litter the floor as pieces are cut and fit, and there is nothing quite so nerve-scraping as the sound of a reciprocating saw cutting copper pipe. I remind myself daily that the finished product will be well worth it, then I take a deep breath.

My office offers little respite - there is a box of photos rescued from Dad's basement that needs dealing with, and it lurks behind me silently reminding me that this too, needs doing.  The shelves are cluttered and the desk is messy and I'm terribly far behind on filing for both my family and my father. Oh! And there are tax documents to gather, to scan, to get to the accountant. 

I need a day to walk in nature, camera in hand, no humans around.

I need a day alone in the house to get my office organized, because that level of organization is going to make a hell of a mess before it's better.

I need a day to sit on the deck, throwing apples to the deer or watching the red fox come in for eggs.

I need a day to breath, and to release.

I just need a day.