Prepare

You've heard of woman's intuition...that feeling in the gut.  I'm having a touch of that, and I don't think it's without cause.  You see, my mother's not feeling well.  We have a history with this, where "not feeling well" can escalate rapidly into "I need an ambulance" or "I need to go to the ER".  Last time it happened, there was 3 feet of snow on the ground, her road and driveway were not cleared, and it took a National Guard pay loader and Humvee to get her (and Dad, who cannot be left alone) out to an ambulance waiting at the main road.

Now, the events of two winters ago notwithstanding - since everyone but my mother seems to think it was an anxiety-generated event - these episodes are not usually without cause.  When the parental health roulette wheel spins, we can never be sure if it's going to land on her name or his.  After all, they are no longer young, nor in the best of health.

As with any of this type of thing, there is no good time for them to occur.  Except now.  I am home alone - not responsible for getting a small human to camp, or getting a small human from camp.  Yes, I have to work but a family health emergency would trump that. Yes, the cats need to be fed and watered and their box cleaned - but I'm pretty certain I could make that happen from a distance if needs must.  The biggest conundrum would be what to do with Dad should we need to scramble.  Poor man, mostly we solve that by hauling him along with us, to emergency rooms and hospitals.  When he can't see her, if we aren't with her, he questions us endlessly:  "Are we going to see Ma?" or "Are we going to get Ma? Is she coming home today?"  Worst is when he cries, bereft in her absence, lost when out of his own familiar and comfortable space and a temporary occupant of my house or my brother's.

So tonight I will do only that which I can do - I will prepare.  I will prepare and hope that it is all for naught. That I do not get a middle of the night phone call, that I do not have to leave work suddenly.  That her issue is less than her insomniac mind has made it, and that she feels better tomorrow, or the next day.  But until I know for sure...my cell phones are charging, my laptop is loaded, I will locate spare electronics chargers and I will pack an overnight bag of essentials to keep in the car.

Because right now, that's all I can do.